You know, you hear many people say the phrase, "If only I could go back in time...(I would change this, do this, etc)". Well, to be honest, I wish it would be so very possible. No one can possibly imagine the amount of regret I have felt because of what I did, and unintentionally. If only I COULD go back, I'd slap some sense into the old me. And so what if this was... 2? Yeah, 2 years ago. SO WHAT. I broke a heart. A very precious, delicate heart which was not meant to be broken. And now that I know of the POSSIBILITIES, the "what if's", i feel much much worse... I feel so bad, so embarrassed, so regretful, probably enough to hide my face for eternity.
All I can do now is drown myself in nostalgia, in memories of the good times while listening to "Time Wont Let Me Go" by "The Bravery".
So, heres how it goes...
After I broke up with my ex, it was really hard for me to get over her. One of my best friends helped me out, lets call her Crappy.Well, I end up getting over my ex. During the passage of time, Crappy started to develop feelings for me. To be honest, I didnt believe that was possible, firstly cuz she was my best friend, secondly cuz I was JUST dumped by my fucking ex. And to be honest, I didnt see how amazing, how perfect Crappy was for me. I totally ignored it, or I sub-consciously did because I never imagined us being together, y;know? It was always a friends thing. Well, anyway, Crappy started liking me more, and I thought her "Crush" was sort of, wearing away? I mean isnt that typical of most girls? But being the dumbass retard I am, I didnt notice that I WAS her first. And your first is always the hardest. So anyway, one day, I wanted her to help me out with some girl, and she sort of... burst out. Ms Crappy here said that she liked me, and how could I ask her to help me with someone else like that? And she was right. 99% right. Im taking away that one percent because she didnt know that I was unaware of the fact that she liked, or maybe loved me. Anyway, eventually, I apologized, and we sort of remained friends. NOW THAT IS WHAT I REGRET. We shouldnt have... I shouldve made her mine when I had the chance, because I didnt realize that she was so perfect. Anyway, some other guy came along, now for us guys, you only realize how fucking awesome a girl is when you see her with some other guy. And no, not cuz of jealousy, its just a fact. Anyway, I soon started to realize that I missed out on what might have been the greatest opportunity of my life. And on top of that, that guy who got with her at that time was a fucking player. Which made it worse... She deserved so much better.
Months passed, I saw how they developed. The player, became innocent. He become devoted, loyal and committed. But he really hated me for some reason. Lets call him Douche. Now, Douche here had tried to pick loads of beefs with me. But hey, I didnt want any bullshit. All I wanted is to be Crappy's friend, but Douche here, being the jerk he is, hated it. He kept on trying, and tried his best to ruin our friendship. What I heard from a reliable source once(Douche's friend) that he wanted to dump Crappy. But HE WOULDNT do it simply because he was afraid she would be with me. Like wtf? Anyway...
Eventually, he succeeded. She started to hate me I think...
Today, I am practically non-existent in her life. I miss her, so, so very much...
But you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? I dont give a fuck anymore. I dont. Who the fuck has that sort of a friend who'd leave another friend for a guy? Psh. No one. Fuck them both. They can go and jump off a cliff for all I care. Crappy isnt who she used to be... Now shes an insensitive bitch. Not the person I knew. I dont give a flying fuck.
All I can do now is drown myself in nostalgia, in memories of the good times while listening to "Time Wont Let Me Go" by "The Bravery".
So, heres how it goes...
After I broke up with my ex, it was really hard for me to get over her. One of my best friends helped me out, lets call her Crappy.Well, I end up getting over my ex. During the passage of time, Crappy started to develop feelings for me. To be honest, I didnt believe that was possible, firstly cuz she was my best friend, secondly cuz I was JUST dumped by my fucking ex. And to be honest, I didnt see how amazing, how perfect Crappy was for me. I totally ignored it, or I sub-consciously did because I never imagined us being together, y;know? It was always a friends thing. Well, anyway, Crappy started liking me more, and I thought her "Crush" was sort of, wearing away? I mean isnt that typical of most girls? But being the dumbass retard I am, I didnt notice that I WAS her first. And your first is always the hardest. So anyway, one day, I wanted her to help me out with some girl, and she sort of... burst out. Ms Crappy here said that she liked me, and how could I ask her to help me with someone else like that? And she was right. 99% right. Im taking away that one percent because she didnt know that I was unaware of the fact that she liked, or maybe loved me. Anyway, eventually, I apologized, and we sort of remained friends. NOW THAT IS WHAT I REGRET. We shouldnt have... I shouldve made her mine when I had the chance, because I didnt realize that she was so perfect. Anyway, some other guy came along, now for us guys, you only realize how fucking awesome a girl is when you see her with some other guy. And no, not cuz of jealousy, its just a fact. Anyway, I soon started to realize that I missed out on what might have been the greatest opportunity of my life. And on top of that, that guy who got with her at that time was a fucking player. Which made it worse... She deserved so much better.
Months passed, I saw how they developed. The player, became innocent. He become devoted, loyal and committed. But he really hated me for some reason. Lets call him Douche. Now, Douche here had tried to pick loads of beefs with me. But hey, I didnt want any bullshit. All I wanted is to be Crappy's friend, but Douche here, being the jerk he is, hated it. He kept on trying, and tried his best to ruin our friendship. What I heard from a reliable source once(Douche's friend) that he wanted to dump Crappy. But HE WOULDNT do it simply because he was afraid she would be with me. Like wtf? Anyway...
Eventually, he succeeded. She started to hate me I think...
Today, I am practically non-existent in her life. I miss her, so, so very much...
But you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? I dont give a fuck anymore. I dont. Who the fuck has that sort of a friend who'd leave another friend for a guy? Psh. No one. Fuck them both. They can go and jump off a cliff for all I care. Crappy isnt who she used to be... Now shes an insensitive bitch. Not the person I knew. I dont give a flying fuck.
1 comment:
aww. your situation sucks. especially the ending, it made me sad. :( i hope things look up for you soon.
p.s. i like chocolate milk, too!
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