Sunday, 27 March 2011

My best friend's girl?

You know, a guy always has that best friend of his who's SO well off, considering EVERYTHING. From money to girls, he's got it all. Yeah, no one's perfect, hes got his downs too, but then he's got many more ups than them. And you know, actually not just you, but everyone knows that you yourself can have just equally as good as he does, maybe better. And this isn't jealousy speaking, its depression. Its looking at him, and being like, "Wow, he's so lucky for what he has." And obviously, because he's your best friend, you'd feel good that he's getting it all. But then no one's that generous. At a point you'd think, Hey, where's my part of the take? (thats ofcourse, IF you dont have your part of the take.)
And the worst thing is, he's got this perfect girl, who has been with him for like 3 years. Maybe less. But whatever, it doesn't matter. And then, that girls YOUR really good friend. And then, you see how good a girl she is for a guy, how perfect, to be more honest. And then your best friend fucking messes up so much with her. But then every time he does, the girl gets pissed, they have a fight for a week, then they get over it, and they're together again. Now if this would happen with yourself, you and the girl would NEVER last. Trust me. She'd break up with you. But your certain best friend will ALWAYS be well off. If you're that best friend im talking about, then call your close friend who's single, and has been for all of his miserable life to read this too. He'll know what im talking about.
I mean, what makes anyone think that you don't deserve just as much? In my whole admittedly short life, I always have had that best friend who had it all perfect, but I didn't. I'd get chances, small ones but then they wouldn't last. And on many occasions I've thought, was it my fault every time? But no, it wasn't. You'd realize that after evaluating every lost chance you had, 98% of those chances that you lost weren't your fault, they happened because the other person didn't think it could work out, or whatever. They'd simply leave you. Then you'd think, am I not good enough? Am I ugly? Rude? Not nice? Mean? Stupid? NO. Everyone's good enough. We're ALL good enough. The world is just too blind and hollow to recognize and realize that.
What makes it worse is that you actually LIKED or crushed on your best friends girl too, but at that time, nothing could possibly happen due to certain reasons. And, you guys could never make it. And then now, years later, when they're together, and have their fights etc, she tells you that if it wasn't for him, you both would've been together (in annoyance ofc). Now doesn't that feel superb? Basically, its not anyone's fault. Its just unfair and upsetting...
Let me share an incident with you, a very personal incident. Back when I myself was around 14, my best friend had this gorgeous, nice, extremely pretty girlfriend. I dont know what she saw in my friend, because he'd always upset her. And i would end up cheering her. Eventually, I REALLY started to like her. We talked more, but then it was a little awkward, since she was my good friend's girl. Now one fine day, he tells me that hes moving to another country, and he wants ME to tell her. Now I didn't know how I was supposed to do that, I was FOURTEEN. But anyway, I did. She was really sad, and I WAS the one who ended up cheering her up, not that I didn't want to, but her 'love' wouldn't do so. Anyway, they said their goodbye, and he moved. I was really sad, me and him were pretty tight. But then, a few weeks later, I could tell SHE started liking me. I still liked her. Few days later, we went out. We were together then. Now bear in mind that her and my friend were together for 8 months, i think. It was only a MONTH into our relationship and she broke me off. I hadn't even made her sad once. She was sad with him all the time, upset a lot because he didn't treat her right. She was NEVER like that with me, but still. Knocked me out of her life. And it hurts even more, because it was on VERY lame pretext. I always kept her happy, or tried my fullest to do so. And I did manage it, because she had a smile on her face so much, it almost put a tear to my eye.
Anyway, im not saying that it pisses you off, or makes you annoyed or jealous or angry or irritated and whatnot. It just makes you feel... left out? No no. 
It makes you wonder, makes you think negatively of YOURSELF, which is very wrong and sad. It makes you feel like life isn't fair. And yes, it isn't. No matter what you say or do, life will STILL be unfair, and as I rant on this post, nothing will change. Nothing.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

I... can never ever be the same.

You know, sometimes you have that ONE experience that changes you forever. No matter how big or small of an experience it may be, sometimes, it can completely change you. It can be anything... Something someone said to you (HAS to be very effective and meaningful for you), an event, maybe something life risking, a girl...
"Im caught inside the memories, our promises, our yesterdays, and I belong to you
I can never be the same, not after loving you"
Maybe love, but yeah. My point is, sometimes experiences can change you into who you are now. Happens way too often...

Weird ass feeling.

Argh. Ive had this feeling for ages now. Its so goddamn weird. Its like, I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. But then, I dont. I dont because its so... time consuming, but then again. Its worth it if the persons alright. But the fact that you dont know for sure is a little disturbing. It makes you hesitant. Its also hectic to be so... committed to one person the whole time, isnt it? I mean, most people want all the attention to themselves. People dont want their partner being with anyone else more than themselves, which is so annoying and wrong. I mean, its not like you'll leave your friends just because of your girlfriend or boyfriend... right? Its socially wrong. Your friends would them start drifting away, and they'd hate you. I mean, I haven't had a girlfriend for over a year now. Im 17.
But wow, the feeling when you know you have someone who likes, or even loves you for who you are is awesome. It makes you feel special. Knowing that when you're hurt, or in pain, you can call that one person and know that she'll/he'll understand you makes you feel fine all the time.
I could go on for ages, but then I dont have the time. Rofl.

Breaking Benjamin

This band, for many of you may be very aggressive, scream-o-type, but for me, its neither. Its a band that displays anger, emotion and deep meaning through their songs. Read between their lyrics… You’ll most probably find something that you can relate with, I’ll bet you a 100 bucks on that, because anger, hate, aggression, rage, etc is something experienced by every person on this planet, no matter how calm. EVERY ONE OF YOU must have felt like breaking something, or someone someday, and after listening to ANY Breaking Benjamin song, you’d probably feel better.
IF you dont listen to their music, please do, especially if you like rock.
Whenever I’m depressed, upset, angry, or sad, listening to their songs ALWAYS cheers me up, it makes me feel better. Rather than going to that best friend first for advice, I go to my MP3 player, and plug in a Breaking Benjamin song, like Dear Agony, Give Me A Sign, What Lies Beneath, etc, which calms me down.

I Like Chocolate Milk

First ever concert experience...

Believe it or not, my first proper concert experience was just a few days ago. I went to a Linkin Park concert when I was 11, but then I was a kid, so it doesnt count. Now, at 17, i went to my first proper concert. And all I can say is, fucking wow. The whole feeling of just standing there, screaming out the lyrics at the top of your lungs in hopes that people know that you know the lyrics, is fucking awesome. Plus, watching a live celebrity sing your favourite songs, its so amazing. And the whole experience lasts for such a short time, you always wana go again and again and again...
And the crowd that comes, its just the kind of people who you can relate to and you can have fun with. Its because they like the kinda music you like, and music makes weirdass connections between people, which are usually the type where people find many things in common with each other.
All in all, LOVED IT.

Screw Stereotypes

I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Simple as that.