Tuesday, 31 May 2011

I feel... lonely.

Emotional breakdown time? Maybe. I don't know. At the moment, where I am, how I feel, what I want to do, I just want to vomit it out on this blog. Seriously. And in advance, I apologize in advance, because you might find this post pointless and stupid, and full of grammatical mistakes. But I need a source to let out on.

Ever since I moved here, its not the same. And unfortunately, it never will be. I am not happy. No. I don't think I will be. Its like, Ive been caged. I have no social life. No real friends. YES, ofcourse I have friends. But they aren't real. No. I want my old friends back. Now. But. I cant have them. FML. I mean it.
The summer has started, and all I've been doing is playing football with people who'd only play football with me. And thats about it. I went out with a couple of acquaintances ONCE. Just once. And... I feel so depressed about the fact that, I have no one to look up to, no one to talk to at night when Im bored. And dont think the people I know are bad, no no. Misconceptions arent good. They're nice people, but I cant relate to them. The stuff they talk about, etc etc etc. I dont get them. Theres a few, who I would possibly become good friends with. But then nothing more. No real friends. No true friends.
I miss the place where I belong. I don't like being here.
And you might think I'm overreacting. Trust me, I feel like I am too. But I cant control myself. I feel so messed up tonight. And, I feel its because of my school. Since I came here in the middle of a year and had to wait for a new session, I had to join a small school. Unfortunately, the people there weren't for me. I don't know what to do.
I feel this way because back where I lived, there wasn't a moment when I felt bored, or alone, and then I had no one to talk to. Here, its just like that. I feel bored, or alone, and I try to talk to someone, not just one person, but I get no feedback. Honestly, I'd really love to say I've had enough, but that'll do me no good. Because I have to live the rest of my life here...

I have to...


Hamza Bin Ladin said...


Hahahahaha.Yar,this is the first time I heard a GUY having a social problem.Of course,they aren't people your type everywhere.But that doesn't mean the end of the world.You can find the better ones in them.I changed many schools as we moved about Asia like a KHANABADOSH family.Yet I stayed in touched with all.Last month my best-est pal from Bahrain ever stayed a couple days at my place and we had the fun worth a lifetime.
Nonetheless,where I went,even in MADARSA I found people,I found FUN.Because I move up and try to understand people and try to act as if I am like them.I know thats Double facedness but that makes people good. Especially in Madarsa it was impossible for me to have friends.

Sorry for the Bhashan,but I feel you shouldn't vex yourself over this.Be friendly.AND CONSIDER MY FRIENDSHIP REQUEST.
I don't smoke,or drink so be sure you won't be in bad company while been with me.

chocolatemilk said...

Hahaha :) Thanks man, there should be more people like you in this world. I live in Defence, what about you?
Bahrain? :O Where else have you lived? Wow. Yeah dude, Ive tried that, being different with different people, the problem is, with the people I know, I dont like how I act. Its socially and morally wrong, because they're weird and mostly perverted. And not fun. You on Facebook?

Vice Versa said...

you seem nice, and im sure that there's got to be some one of your "kind" out there. :p

I know what it feels like to feel like you have no one to talk to.
a couple of years ago, my bestest friend EVER moved to america, it was awful for me, and i realised then that i couldn't tell my other friends stuff i told her, or talk to them like i talked to her.
but there's always skype, and facebook, and i even met her last summer.

it can't be all that bad, if you've at least made kinda good friends, cuz now you have some people that you can at least hang out with, right?
and your old friends will always be there on skype.

i know this probably will sound mad, but sometimes when there's no one to talk to and my head is bursting, i talk to a made up person in my head. its not as crazy as it sounds, honest. you should try it.

where are you from originally?

and I like your blog :)

Furree Katt said...

DUDE. you are like me, the male version. hahaha
i had the exact same problem when i moved back from Dubai. i knew no one here, and because of being homeschooled + work i was unable to make friends my age in any institution.

to be completely honest, all the friends i have here are through my blog. letting out my feelings here and getting to know others has been a big help in dealing with the loneliness. sometimes you HAVE to take a risk and trust people that you find online, i've met tons of special (and safe) people through my blog. woot woot!

you are awesome and i'm pretty sure you'll make more friends over the summer.
and it's great that you're letting out your feelings through writing, i'm pretty sure you feel slightly better now.

i have a similar emo post on my blog! here's the link:

p.s. you ought to befriend Hamza, definitely :D

chocolatemilk said...

I love you guys, really :') You wrote so much just to make me feel better! :D

Vice Versa: haha, yeah thats exactly how it is. but the sad thing is that I cant meet my old friends :/ And I cant hang out with them. Which I really miss :( And they're not always on skype y'know? Like, I could text them whenever I wanted if they would be here, or if I would be there.
Haha, talking to yourself? Hmm :P I shall try that next time!

Furree: Hahaha! The male version of you? I guess thats cool. Cuz like, you're totally awesome.
YES. I did feel better. Haha yeah :/ I hope I do. I feel kinda better now, you guys rock :)

YES! We shud hang.

Peachyyy said...

You know the best part about moving to a new place?
No one expects you to be (like) anything.
You can choose to be whoever you want and do whatever you want
nothing to hold you back.

Trying thinking it this way.
Have a good life :)

chocolatemilk said...

Haha, yeah. That doesnt sound bad at all. I'll take it into consideration! :D

Thanks Peachyy :)